Reflections of a Preemie Mom

It is impossible to believe my boys will be turning 6 next month. While I am certain this is a thought shared by many moms who have a child celebrating a birthday soon, I can say with great confidence that this thought is one that is much more poignant amongst the "parents of preemies" crowd. For this club, each birthday marks a milestone far greater than the passing of another year, it quite literally provides an opportunity to celebrate a life in a way that most parents of full term, healthy babies might never pause to even consider. As a parent of a preemie, it is almost impossible to move forward with the celebrations without some level of reflection on the past. This may also be the typical experience, moms and dads thinking back fondly about the birth of their child(ren) and the significant milestones reached over each year. However, for the parent of a preemie, this momentous celebration, this happy milestone, this joyous occassion may also evoke painful memories, suppressed emotions, and a rather conflicting, yet deep sense of gratitude. Gratitude that your child(ren) made it through and is alive. Gratitude that you have made it this far in your experience. Gratitude for all of the personal growth you have experienced as a result of this life altering experience. Gratitude for all of the people that have touched your life and provided the love, support and skill needed to guide you through. And above all else, gratitude for your child(ren), complete with the scars, the challenges, the smiles and the love.

When my boys were born, during those 106 days in the NICU, I remember searching the internet and the bookstores for any information about the preemie experience that I could find. I had the technical information provided in the "preemie bible" as we referred to it, but I could not find any information about what it was like to actually parent a preemie, to see what a preemie looked like at 18 months, 2,4,6, to understand the challenges and the joys associated with each year. There seemed to be no support in this respect, no conversation, no celebrations about how these amazing children were growing, developing, accomplishing, LIVING!

So, as my boys turn 6, I am feeling healed enough from the experience of those first years to be able to share them. As a gift to myself (a therapy of sorts), to my children, and to other parents living the preemie experience, I am going to recall my experience from day one to the present. I have kept a journal and journals for my children that I will rely on. I have kept a file of their early intervention assessments, requirements and "learning" plans. I have over 17,000 pictures of my children chronicling their physical development over these past 6 years.

Why would I want to share this most personal of life experiences? I am doing this to provide hope to all those parents of extreme preemies who may be struggling through those first few days of life together, and to hopefully create a community of support for those who may need or want it.